Here for the Day or the Stay?
Friendships seem to be so complicated now. Back in the day, people would just vibe & become a crew. Now it seems like this younger generation links up for every purpose except genuine friendship. Just this week on IG, I saw a rapper mention how females who club with her have to look a certain way. Is friendship really that thirsty & shallow?
I can definitely say I’ve never been worried about how my friends look. I have to catch their energy & see what they’re about. What they look like is completely irrelevant. Every one of the people I think of as friends meshed with my world effortlessly. My girl Erin & I had a connection through high school classes & middle school cheer rivalries. Her older sister Kim was a bonus. Neicey & I mastered the trenches of the behavioral health world together. My lady Weeze came along at work as well & was a combo of a friend & mother (I miss her dearly, but she’s a peace now & checking me from a better spot place). The Bday Crew connected through the best wedding planner EVER (shout out to SDS Events). And my Oracle crew at work linked up through our struggles & make my work week amusing. They’ve all seen me at my best & boosted me at my worst.
My friendships are just that: friendships! I never looked for anything more than what it was supposed to be. I’m a giver, & I’m blessed to say my friends have the same energy. These new frenemy situations…yeah they’re not for me! People coming around only when they don’t have anyone else, when they need something from you, or who keep count of what they do for you…those are called Transactional Friendships. I’ve had my fair share of those too!
I can honestly say that in my younger years there have been people who only came around when their regular crew wasn’t available. People have been in an unspoken competition with me (& IDK why because I’m just a regular ol girl). I’m glad to have experienced those times & peeped game before I was too damaged to not trust people ever. I needed those experiences to understand what friendship is supposed to look & feel like.
What About Your Friends?
There are no score cards in friendships; you just do for your people! There’s no competing; you cheer front row for your folks! The only gain that should be expected is a friend, not looking for a come-up or hook-up. Effort is made from all members, & there’s an understanding that you may be busy at times, but there’s no love lost. Nothing but give & take!How do you recognize transactional or toxic friendships? Check out this link & see what applies to each of the people who you call friends. It may shed some light on some folks you need to step away from.
https://counsellingbc.com/blog/self-care-includes-cleaning-your-friendships
Grab Your Repellent
Now how can you avoid transactional friendships? You’ve got options, honey!
- Be comfortable in being alone. There’s nothing wrong with rolling solo. In fact, close to half of my time is spent alone. I just had to learn to be comfortable in being alone so I wouldn’t give in to accepting transactional friendships or relationships.
- Value your independence & self-worth. Don’t downplay yourself in order to keep others around. True friends gas you up, whether you need it or not. Know who you are, what you bring to the table, & what you deserve to receive. Your worth is non-negotiable!
- Be selfless. Life isn’t about what you can get out of it. It’s about what you give to the world! Be the friend you want to have!
- Put some effort into it. One person can’t always do the reaching out or planning get-togethers. Hit your people up, even if it’s sending a funny meme, video, or text.
Seeing my friends really takes planning, & it’s something I need to do better with. We’ll text or communicate on social media, but we don’t see each other often due to our crazy work schedules & lifestyles. As much as I love staying in & being alone, I enjoy getting out to eat & drink with my girls too. They keep me grounded yet energized at the same time. They inspired me to build the life I want. They give me advice & reel me back in when I’m off the chain (except my Petty Partner…We match each other’s pettiness & rule Pettyville 😉). They’re my tribe, & I’m grateful for them!
Check out some of these links for ideas of how to put self-care into your friendships:
https://www.bustle.com/p/7-self-care-strategies-that-can-actually-improve-your-friendships-21759739
