Happy Spouse, Happy House! Find the Balance!
How many times have we heard the saying “happy wife, happy life?” I know that’s what a lot of people told husbae & I when we tied the knot almost 11 years ago. It wasn’t long before I saw things differently & agreed with the new & improved version: “happy spouse, happy house.” This thing called marriage wasn’t all about me & my happiness! I had to make sure boo was just as happy!
And so it began…the competition to please my spouse. For the first couple of years, it seemed like we were trying to one-up each other constantly. He’d come home after a long day of working to his favorite meal & a massage. I’d walk in to roses & a card. I’d take him to a restaurant he wanted to try. He’d buy a dress he thought I’d look good in. And so on, and so on. It was cute, but it did something even better: it solidified the importance of looking out for your other half, listening to their needs, & caring more about someone outside of yourself.
Back then, it was easier to do. We had less kids, & it didn’t feel like we were in constant grind mode. We were also a decade younger, so the energy was waaaaay different. Now that we’ve gotten older, our bond is stronger & we’ve put more into doing the little things. Listen, when that man comes in after working 10-12 hours on his feet but washes the dishes…it does something to my soul! The little things to help me move around less mean so much more than the material things before. Don’t get me wrong; I love presents but the actions speak to my soul!
Learning each other’s love languages is important. Many people think of how something would make them feel & act on that. Instead, you have to find out what your partner likes & prefers so you give what resonates with them. Husbae & I took the 5 Love Languages quiz (thank goodness he’s super supportive & didn’t look at me like “girl, what?” Figure yours out at https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language). It shed even more light on the manner in which I need to show him that I love & appreciate him. His love language is physical touch (Siri, play “Touch” by Omarion), while mine is acts of service. He could care less about the stuff I buy him; that nightly head rub is everything! And him rubbing my feet while he watches the game is perfection!
Marriage involves 3 parts: pouring into your marriage, pouring into each other, & pouring into yourself. Every marriage has the potential to lack at some point in time on one of those. We can’t all be on point all the time. There have definitely been times when we have failed to pour into the marriage & into ourselves. I’m struggling to pour into myself now! I’m constantly thinking about what everyone around me needs & neglecting myself. Thankfully, my life partner encourages me to take some me time.
Now, pouring into yourself, your partner, & your marriage can be broken down into smaller categories. Taking care of your finances helps you both. Being spiritually solid keeps you both grounded. Individual & couples therapy, even when nothing is wrong, is a great outlet. Regardless of where the lack lies, make sure you put effort in TOGETHER!
Check out a few of the things I found to make sure your marriage doesn’t run on E:
https://amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/couples-practice-self-care-together
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