You Can’t Ride On E 

We’ve all heard the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup,” & boy is that true! It’s a lesson I relearn a few times each year, even though I constantly preach it to others. Whether it’s your job, family life, friendships, romantic relationships, or spiritual family, there is always something or someone that has the potential to suck the life out of you. Although they are not always doing this on purpose, energy leaches drain you. You give & give but don’t always get a return on that investment you’ve made. So what do you do to keep your energy up or refill your cup?

Step 1: Set Boundaries

Boundaries are something I have learned to set fairly well over the last couple of decades. In my younger years, I’d give constantly & couldn’t understand why the same energy wasn’t given back to me. I was a ride or die friend, lover, family member, & employee. Anyone in any of those categories could call me at any hour, & I’d be one-way to their side. I was constantly on the go (or on the phone) for those in need, & I was ok with that…until I was the one in need.

When the tables turned, there weren’t as many people ready to ride for me as I was for them. In the end, I’d be hurt & wondering why I couldn’t get any reciprocity. It took years & several life lessons before I figured out the solution. I needed to protect my peace & energy like they protected theirs.

I started examining each of my relationships & determined what kind of boundary needed to be set. I set certain hours & days I’d be available for work, put a limit on the amount of money I’d let people borrow, & learned to say one of the most powerful words in the English language: “no.” That word hits differently when people start understanding who holds the power, & it feels good after awhile to use it.

Step 2: Enforce Your Boundaries

It’s one thing to set boundaries, but it’s another to enforce them. I’ll admit, I let my boundaries slip at work a lot by working crazy hours, but those other ones have stood tall, honey! I don’t give money out unless I don’t expect to get it back, it won’t impact my finances, & the person will pay it back if they can. Even then though, I have my limits on the amount I can give. 

I’m unable to be reached by anyone other than my husband or kids from 9pm-6am daily. My phone is set to Do Not Disturb automatically so I can disconnect, wind down, & sleep uninterrupted. I refuse to be awakened by some spam text! Now there may be times someone needs to reach me in the event of an emergency, but I set a rule for that too: if you don’t have my husband’s number, I don’t need to know about your emergency. I only go into emergency mode for those who are closer than close to me. 

And best of all, I’ve learned how to say “no” in several languages so any & everyone will understand it. And I’ve learned not to feel guilty about it anymore either. It was a process because I used to agree to things to avoid feeling bad about saying “no,” but now I refuse to do anything out of feeling obligated. I choose to do them because I want to.

Step 3: Pour In As Much As You Pour Out (Or More)

No one knows what you need more than YOU, & there’s no reason to feel guilty about prioritizing yourself! As we age, our bodies start to change. My energy is way lower now than it was 20 years ago. I could stay out all night drinking, take a power nap & a shower, grab coffee, & go straight to work. Now, I’m in the bed before 9 if I can help it, including weekends. The only time I can go hard is on vacation, but that’s because I’m free from alarms & responsibilities. But best believe, I’ll need to recover after vacation! 

Set time just for yourself, & keep the appointment. It doesn’t matter if it’s an hour each evening to chill on your porch, setting a hair or nail appointment, sleeping later, exercising, or going out with loved ones. Refill your cup! You deserve to be just as important as the people, places, & things you care about. You just need to remember it, & act like it!

There’s nothing more important than making sure your energy is plentiful, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual energy. You can’t give what you don’t have. Keep your cup overflowing!