Reason, Season, Or Lifetime: There’s Levels to Relationships 🥇🥈🥉 (Part 2)

Last week, we discussed how my lifetime relationships look in my Reason, Season, or Lifetime categorization. At first, I didn’t think there were very many, but once I started writing, I saw just how blessed I am. 🥰 I have a variety of people that make me continue to work on being the best Meia possible. Wouldn’t have it any other way!

     This week, we’re jumping in on my view of those relationships that are there for a reason & a season…& I see both as pretty much the same thing. 👀 Sometimes I think a little too deep for the subject, but follow me on my explanation of why those folks fall into the same bucket…

Season & Reason Relationships aka Everybody Else 👀

The season & reason relationships go hand in hand for me. I look at it this way: if you’re only around temporarily, there’s a reason behind it. If someone is no longer an important piece of my world & I felt like there was genuinely some type of relationship there, then best believe I learned something from the time spent.💯

Evolve? For What? 🤨

     As we evolve & grow, our circles are supposed to as well. I’m not saying you can’t have the same friends from childhood, but if you haven’t gained any other ones, you may need to take some time to self-reflect. 🪞 From my perspective, there are many scenarios that occur that may keep people from evolving. Here are a few I’ve observed over the years:

• You haven’t left where you grew up & didn’t experience much outside of that area 🗺️: Not everyone wants to or is able to travel or relocate, so remaining in the same place with the same people doesn’t expose you to much that’s different. The “born & raised in…” folks know what I’m talking about, especially when you live in a small town. Not much changes except age & a few new buildings, so you’re comfortable with that being all you know.
• You have social anxiety 😬: Social anxiety is so real! I wouldn’t call myself socially anxious in a clinical manner, but I don’t like the discomfort of being around people I don’t know, having to talk to people I don’t know, or being in large crowds. Being “the new kid” so many times growing up wasn’t fun, & I never initiated friendships. I still don’t, but I’m realizing I could be missing some good opportunities by being antisocial.
• No different influences or inspirations: You have to be exposed to new things in order to embrace them. When you prefer to stay where you’re comfortable, you tend to see the same people, places, & things. Everyone seems to be on the same vibe, so there’s no need to call attention to yourself by doing or being something different.
• Lack of trust 😒: When you’ve experienced relationships that impacted you in negative ways, you’re leery of forming new ones. You view things from the perspective of what negatives could occur instead of what positives could be gained. This has been a big one for me, so it’s not surprising if others feel the same way. 
• You feel you’ve maxed out 📈: You’ve been on the grind & put in the work to become who & what you dreamed of being, so you feel like you’ve “arrived.” You may feel like there’s no need to do more because you’re at the top of your game. However, nobody knows everything; there’s always something new that you can learn. You just have to change your mindset & pivot into uncharted territory.

How Seasons Become Reasons at Work 👩🏽‍💻

I try to learn something from everyone I allow into my space, whether we’ve crossed paths for good or bad reasons. For example, I’ve learned something from every employer I’ve been at. Here are a few gems:

• The Beginning…good ol’ Target at Freedom Mall: My very first job did exactly what it was supposed to do: instill a good work ethic & appreciation for making my own money. 🤑 I still remember my manager’s name (is that weird 30 years later?). On the downside, I also learned I didn’t like being on my feet for so long & hate customer service. I’m not one of those that believes the customer is always right. 👎🏽

• Blockbuster Video 📼: My next real job (I worked a few summers with my mom filing medical records for a neurological clinic but I was spoiled there). When I first moved off-campus in college, I had to learn the art of the grind. Nobody told me that paying your own bills wasn’t fun. And at the time, I was clueless on knowing how much money I really needed to make to live. That $5.25/hour had me on the struggle bus, but it was easy work & I could’ve walked to work if I wanted to. However, I needed a better job to not have to grind so hard. Welcome to adulthood, Meia!

• Hampton Inn: 🏨 I actually got recruited from Blockbuster by the hotel manager because he liked my customer service. Who would’ve know I was good at that when I disliked it so much?! You couldn’t tell me anything when I was gonna make $3 more an hour, honey! This is where I learned patience & more about different cultures.

Since I worked at a location right at the airport, it stayed sold out almost every day. Mostly businessmen/women & flight crews stayed, so I got to see people from all over the world. 👨‍✈️ This is where I first encountered how some cultures view females as second class citizens. I wasn’t used to people talking to me sideways, but I learned to navigate situations that can potentially blow up. 

• Behavioral Health: 😍 I’ve learned soooo much about people & life being in this field. Nothing I learned in school was applied in the field. Literally everything I learned about behavioral health happened by hands-on work. It’s one thing to learn it & another to apply it.

Some of the gems I’ve learned thus far are: 💎

• Behavioral health doesn’t discriminate. Don’t ever think “it’ll never happen to me.”
• There are far too many companies that collect money without providing the best work for the people who keep their companies afloat. 
• You have to love the work to stay in the field.
• Life is precious & should be valued more. 
• What works for one doesn’t always work for another.
• Journaling can change your life.
• There are some really evil people in this world. 
• There aren’t enough resources in NC to effectively manage those in need.
• Bullying & teasing aren’t the same thing, so you can’t handle them the same way.

BH is my baby! I can’t see myself doing something that’s not somehow connected to the field. Intentional is so connected to behavioral health. Journaling saved my life, so I was inspired to pass that lifesaver along to others. Affirming myself & prioritizing self-care are more than necessary to maintain good health overall. Connecting something I love with something I’m passionate about was a win-win situation!

• Insurance 🌀: I took a brief break from behavioral health to do catastrophe claims in Florida during Hurricane Katrina. My hands were tied financially, so I had to dip to dig myself out of what seemed like a neverending hole: choosing between paying rent or paying daycare. 

For 9 months, I was away from my toddler & working 70-80 hour weeks to achieve that. The money was GREAT! I also met a lot of dope people from all over the country. However, I learned 3 lessons that have shaped the way that I’ve lived ever since:

• No amount of money can replace time with your loved ones. 🚫 My son was 3, & I cried like a baby when I missed him dressing up for his first Halloween that he could enjoy. There was no FaceTime back then, so I could only talk to my baby daily. I saw him 3 times during that 9 months: for Thanksgiving weekend when the whole family went to Disney World; a long weekend for Christmas, during which I also had to move out of my apartment; & a spontaneous flight for a few hours because he missed me. 
• Money doesn’t buy happiness. 💯 Yeah, it solves some problems like not having to stress over bills, but money comes & goes. After I bought a car & literally everything I wanted in the mall until I ran out of mess to buy, I was still away from my family & friends. I was missing moments in my son’s life, which cannot be replaced. 

Not to mention, the amount of people who stayed in my pockets when they needed money was ridiculous! I probably gave away 5 figures in that 9 months (with no return I must add). The money didn’t make me happy; it made me less stressed.

• You can’t put a price on some things. 🏷️ Working those catastrophe claims gave me insight on how the insurance world works. If you can’t prove the way your property was damaged was something covered in your policy or the price you paid for the items, you’re SOL. Most of the customers I processed claims for didn’t have flood insurance, so when it came to repaying them for their possessions, I could only pay for up to $500 worth of food in the refrigerator & whatever was damaged below the holes in the roof (if any). 

The sick feeling you have when you have to tell someone they have to start from ground zero with $500 to replace their stuff is a feeling I’ll never forget. There were 2 families that I’ll never forget:

• Customer #1: House mostly destroyed by flood, no flood insurance, & the wife being completely mentally shut down out of the guilt for losing their baby in the flood. How do you give that person $500 & expect them to not be discouraged? 😭
• Customer #2: House literally blown away, decades of possessions lost, & you have to ask them for a list of everything they lost with prices on them. How do you put a price on irreplaceable wedding photos or Olympic medals you won? 👰🤵 You can’t!

How Seasons Become Reasons in Relationships 🤨

There are very few people that I have contact with who fell into the seasonal category. I may be “friends” on social media with them, but that’s because I hold no animosity & I’m nosy. 😜 Regardless of whether the season was a few months of dating or years of friendship, I can honestly say I learned something from every one of them. 

     From a dating standpoint, some of the things I learned are:

• Don’t be naive. Everything you’re told isn’t true but everything you see is. 👀
• Many guys are out for self, but not all are. Don’t let the bad apples spoil the rep for the whole bunch 🍎.
• Remember your worth & require being treated no less than that. Don’t put up with less just to avoid being alone. 🙅🏽‍♀️
• Alone & lonely are 2 different things. There are lonely people in crowds as well as people who are more than content with being alone. 1️⃣
• Listen to his mama! If his mama says he ain’t 💩, HE AIN’T 💩!
• How he treated women before & after you isn’t always an indication that he’ll treat you that way. 🤨
• You can’t change a person. They’ll decide to change if & when they want to. 💯

As far as the seasonal friendships go, I learned: 

• If your friends can’t check you when you’re on some BS, they’re not your friends. Don’t sell yourself short with people who co-sign your mess.✔️
• Friends don’t compete. Not for men, not for jobs, not for looks, not for grades, nothing!🏇
• Females are way pettier than males. We’ll hold grudges for decades over the smallest things, yet males will fight & dap each other up afterwards if they were cool with each other before.🤺🤝
• It’s ok to grow apart as you get older. Just like seasons change, so do people.⛓️‍💥
• You don’t have to talk on a regular basis to still be considered friends. I’ve picked back up with people like we’d spoken yesterday but we hadn’t spoken in 6 months.📱
• Her beef isn’t your beef unless you’ve been wronged. That’s how innocent folks get killed. 🔫

However you want to classify the relationships you’ll have throughout your lifetime, make sure to pay more attention to who belongs in which category. We waste so much time giving our all to the wrong, unworthy people at times. Yes, we all have to learn from the relationships we’ll have along the journey through life, but don’t keep touching the stove after you’ve been burnt. That stove is still hot! 🔥