Don’t Forget About Yourself
Being generous should be second nature. It’s just natural to give to others, whether it’s with your time, your energy, your knowledge, your money, or yourself. At some point in time, we’re all giving. Although giving is great, don’t forget about yourself!
The Upside of Generosity
Being generous gives you a natural high, & you might not even be looking for one. Research shows that generosity is associated with improved mental & physical health. The chemicals that boost positive feelings in your body help you manage your health more effectively. Your blood pressure lowers, you’re able to manage stress & depression more effectively, & it prolongs your life.
Giving also has been shown to positively impact your relationships, life satisfaction, & communities. Giving makes people feel good about themselves while having the same effect on the recipient. It can make you feel a sense of purpose. It can draw you closer to the people you give your time, energy, money to. Being able to show that you care for someone is one of the most powerful tools we have. And giving does more for the giver than the receiver. Wins all around!
The Dark Side of Generosity
Everything has a flip side, so I’m not going to pretend that generosity is all rainbows & confetti. It can sometimes feel like it’s a one-sided deal, especially when giving feels like an obligation. In fact, research says that those feelings of being forced to do something only make you not want to give anymore. Been there, done that!
I remember having to volunteer at nursing homes when I was in high school as a requirement for being in Honor Society. Depending on who I was volunteering with, I hated it. My shyness didn’t give me comfort in having to talk to strangers. One nursing home had a smoking room at the end of the hall with smoke so thick you couldn’t see the wall at the end. And not every senior resident was the nicest person on the planet. I thugged it out though because it served a purpose: my honor sash.
Now, I don’t do as much volunteering, outside of serving on the board of a nonprofit for seniors in the area. That doesn’t feel like volunteering though because it’s interesting & I’m supporting one of my best friends. It also aligns with my belief of taking care of others. I mainly just give whenever & wherever I can. The only negative to that is some people tend to take your kindness for weakness, so I definitely roll my eyes when some people ask continuously for favors. I put myself last to make sure those around me have their needs met. It can get pretty exhausting, especially when it doesn’t feel like the giving is appreciated.
Self-Care & Generosity
All this generosity can leave you feeling drained. Most of us get up every day to give our time & energy to a job…just to turn around & give the money we’ve earned to bill collectors. We give our knowledge to coworkers & clients. We give our attention (& more money) to our kids. We give love to our families & friends. We give & give & give some more. Before we know it, we’re running on E & nearing burnout.
In comes the Self-Care Fairy, sprinkling fairy dust on us so we can focus on recharging. That fairy has been my saving grace so many times. I tend to push myself to the max & have to have someone remind me to take a chill pill. On most days, I literally leave my desk to start dinner, decompress with husbae about our day, shower, & hit the bed with little time in between to sit & do nothing. No bueno!
Just Tuesday I had to put myself in timeout because I was nearly a breakdown. I have so much going on between work, Intentional, the kids, the husband, & other people who depend on me that I had a whole vent fest with my mom. Then I cooked dinner with headphones on to listen to an audiobook, took a shower, & parked myself right in the bed by 6pm. It didn’t help that I had an stress-induced migraine, but that was my cue to take a moment to myself.
Life has sat me on my tail without warning a few times. I literally couldn’t do a thing but lie in bed to recharge on many occasions. Every inch of my body would hurt. I’d have no energy to move much unless it was to barely eat & use the bathroom. And during those times, I’d feel like I was failing because I should be doing something other than lying in bed. Giving so much to others was sucking the life out of myself. That’s when I started realizing the importance of self-care. And not just self-care, self-care on a regular & consistent basis.
I started making sure I took more time to do things for myself. It didn’t have to be extravagant things like vacations & massages though. I threw in getting my hair & nails done every other week. (Shout out to my fabulous stylist Kristie being generous this week when i was just trying to get some last minute self-care in). I started journaling & meditating nightly. I even set a consistent bed time, including setting my phone to automatically go on DND at 9pm. It forces me to disconnect from it & wind down. I had no idea how important it was for me to set boundaries & standards for myself.
If all else fails, ASK FOR HELP! There’s no rule that the giver can’t also be the receiver. If you’re feeling low on energy, time, money, or whatever, take a break & ask someone else to help you out. Self-care isn’t selfish! It’s the only way you can continue to give selflessly!
Check out these creative ways to recharge:
https://loveselfcare.com/how-to-be-generous-with-yourself/
https://www.becomingminimalist.com/10-simple-ways-to-become-a-more-generous-person/
