How You Livin’? A Glance Into Core Values
Everyone has values, & no two people have exactly the same ones. Even if you were raised by the same people, your values will vary from those of your siblings. Even if you & your significant other agree on almost everything, some values will be different. Even if your bff finishes your sentences, your individual differences in core values will peek out. And those differences are OK! They’re what make you YOU!
What Are Core Values, & How Do You Get Them?
Core values refer to each person’s priorities & beliefs that drive their behavior. They’re like the Google Maps or Waze for your life path. They’re concepts that you treasure & hone into that can come about in various ways.
Some of us see a concept & decide you really are into it. We just kind of pick them up & try them on for size. For example, I value motherhood. Being a mother wasn’t something I’d ever experienced before, & other than by watching my mother, I was clueless to what that really would look like. Honestly, I didn’t want kids for a long time. Enter my oldest son in 2002, & I instantly grabbed the new title of “mother.” When I found out I was pregnant, I just decided to be a responsible adult about it & handled my business. After I got a taste of motherhood, I knew there were few other feelings like that one. Forever fulfilling!
Like motherhood, some other core values came about. Things like love, friendship, & success were concepts I kind of chose. I didn’t necessarily experience them before learning that I placed value on them. They just became important to me. All people need love & friendship, but it doesn’t mean they value them. Success…not so much. I’m just an overachiever!
On the other hand, most of our core values probably come from experiences & feelings we’ve had throughout life. Security is a major core value of mine. I’ve been there, done that in the struggle game, both as a child & as an adult. It didn’t appear to the outside world that there was a struggle, but inside that feeling of the unknown was no joke. Whether it’s feeling secure in my marriage, job, home, finances, or personal life, I strive to make sure I have some sort of safety net & that my kids do as well. I don’t ever want to feel those emotions again!
Another major core value of mine is family. That word means way more to me than genetically related. Outside of those that were/are in the same household with me, blood ties mean little to me. My family includes those who have been there when I was at my lowest as well as my highest, those who show up for me like I show up for them, those who are ready to ride no questions asked like I’m front & center for them. Unfortunately most of those aren’t blood related, but they’ve earned the right to be called family instead of being grandfathered in due to DNA. It’s much bigger than that. I mean, one of my mottos is “friend, family, or foe; anyone can go,” & I mean it wholeheartedly!
Will My Core Values Change?
As I’ve grown up & (more importantly) matured, my core values haven’t really changed; they’ve just changed the order of priority. As you move through different seasons of life, you change what you focus on. It doesn’t mean you don’t have the same values though. You’re just shifting your energy for the moment.
It’s imperative to take a timeout & re-evaluate your core values every once in awhile. You may learn that you’ve burnt out on a few of them & need to shift your focus. You may feel like you’re just coasting through life on autopilot instead of actually living it. You may feel numb, & you may wonder if it’s really as good as you think. That’s your signal to refocus on something else.
I know I’ve switched gears several times on what I focus on during a particular time in my life. Situations have occurred that caused me to work harder on one value more than another. I may feel like I’m doing too much without progress & decide to give it a rest for awhile. Or I might notice someone in my circle needs a little more TLC, so I’ll prioritize their particular needs more than my own. It all comes with continuous growth.
A new term I learned this week is value living. That means to live your life according to your core values. When you do this, you become less stressed & healthier mentally & physically. When I think back on how I’m living now in comparison to how I was living 15 years ago, maaaaaan…Let’s just say growth is a beautiful thing.
I was just present 15 years ago, existing in a shell of a body. I think I valued partying & wanting to be loved more than anything else. That’s all it seemed like I was focused on. My mental health was off, I could’ve cared less about the physical health, & I was all over the place. I lost touch with the core values I acquired in my youth.
Hitting rock bottom & being heartbroken more times than I can count forced me to get back to what really counted. It’s one of the reasons I value motherhood & family so much. My kids became my why, even when I didn’t know how to achieve the what for those whys. Even when I was at my worst, my family remained solid while checking me on my mess & pushing me to get my 💩together. I slowly started getting back to finding myself & focusing on what really mattered.
How Can Core Values Benefit Me?
Defining & redefining my core values helped me in many ways. However, here are some of the most popular benefits of figuring out what your core values are:
- Finding your purpose. I’m still somewhat on the quest to find my purpose, but I know I’m supposed to be here to leave something positive in this crazy world. Sometimes I think it’s to push people to take better care of themselves, hence the creation of Intentional. Sometimes I think it’s to be a listening ear that’ll give you some outside-of-the-box advice. Sometimes I think I’m supposed to be the rock for my people. It might be all of the above, but those things are completely driven by my values. At least they’re things I enjoy doing!
- Guiding your behavior. This lil personality of mine & the things I do are super strategic. I used to be extremely quiet & shy, but beginning to value being an advocate for others forced me to be that for myself. I started out allowing people to do & say whatever they pleased to & about me with no consequences. After awhile, I saw that wasn’t working & was hindering me from maximizing my values. Hello, voice! Advocating for myself turned that frown upside down, honey!
I also move very strategically because of things I’ve learned over time. I’m not impulsive; thinking every move through as thoroughly as possible before taking a step. And I refuse to allow my actions to blow back negatively on those I value. That doesn’t always look right to others, but it minimizes risks for myself & the people who are important to me.
- Helping you make decisions. Major key! I’m not compromising my values for anything nor anybody! Integrity is all I have, so the temptation of money or fame don’t faze me. I’m gonna be as morally sound as possible when it’s time to make a decision that can impact others. I can’t take any of this with me when I leave this earth, so the money can come & go. I’ll take experiences for $1000, Alex!
- Helping you choose a career. My value of helping others has kept me married to the behavioral health field. I cheated for about a year when Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005 to do insurance claims, but I came right on back to my niche. Yeah, the money was good & the tragedy put a lot in perspective for me, but the time I lost working 7 days a week & only seeing my son like 5 times in 9 months wasn’t the life I was willing to lead. That Claims Adjuster life was left in the dust! I’ll be in this behavioral health & human services field forever, most likely.
- Increasing your confidence. When you know what you love & value, you feel more confident all around. I’m secure in my values & will battle anybody about them in a heartbeat. It feels good to know who you really are! When I lost my focus on my core values in the past, that confidence went on vacation as well. You just feel better about yourself & your situation when you focus on what’s important to & for you.
Core Values & Self-Care
So how do core values tie into self-care? They determine what you focus on & what you need to replenish yourself when you’re running on E. Those things you believe in to the fullest drive you to keep pushing, but you can’t max out. A good spiritual self-care routine can help you stay grounded & focused on what really matters to you. Here are a couple of pointers:
- Have daily quiet time
- Do some yoga (my favorite!)
- Listen to music or read books on mindset, spirituality, & introspection
- Set goals & track your progress
Keeping yourself spiritually strong is essential to keeping your other areas of self-care up-to-date. Being off spiritually can throw your whole vibe off. I can definitely tell the difference when I’m struggling in the spiritual area. I just feel drained across the board.
Take some time to check in on your core values & spiritual temperature. Check out these links to help you figure things out & evaluate where you are. Keep evolving, my people!
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/core-values/#:~:text=What%20are%20core%20values%3F,a%20person’s%20or%20organization’s%20decisions.
https://jamesclear.com/core-values
https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/discover-core-values
