🌞 Radiate Confidence: Cultivating Self-Love 🌞

Social media just ain’t what it used to be when it first started out. 👎🏽 We’ve gone from reconnecting with friends from the past on Facebook, creating our Top 8 on MySpace, & chatting with internet boos on Black Planet to ridiculous filters, body shaming, & bullying on many of these newer platforms. Guess you can say that things don’t always change for the — -better.

     Since something that was intended to be so positive has evolved into a monster, it’s become more difficult for many to feel confident in their own skin, especially our young folks. And since we helped create & promote this monster, it’s up to us to destroy it. 🧌 Y’all ready to join in the fight to spread positivity? Step on in the room…

Radiate Confidence with Self-Love 🥰

Love is something we’re all capable of, especially when it comes to loving someone, something, or somewhere else. But that love for self is NOT universal. I repeat IS NOT! And since that’s the case, we’ve got to work overtime to change the game for the next generation because babyyyyyyyy…it’s some things going on in this world now. 😒

     Sometimes it may not feel like it, but everyone has at least one thing they like about themselves. Even if it seems like the most trivial thing, you still were blessed with something that makes you unique. 🙏🏽 It can be something visual, audible, or just a quirky talent, but it’s yours & it’s what makes you you. 

Self-Love in the Making: Loving the Skin I’m In…Or Not So Much 😌

Self-love is something I had to work on over the years. There were things I liked about myself, but my insecurities didn’t allow me to embrace my whole being. 🙈 It’s funny how dozens of people can compliment you constantly, yet 1 or 2 people throwing a jab can tear confidence straight out of your body. It’s almost like having a pretty balloon as you skip along & here comes Sally with her lil safety pin to pop it…only for her to take pleasure out of bringing you down to her level of feelings. 🎈🧷

     I was notorious for allowing that poison to seep into my mind so much that I’d mask things. I didn’t wear shorts, skirts, or dresses above my ankles for 10 years, all because people felt the need to call out how skinny my legs were. 🦵 And on top of that, being skinny for Black girls isn’t always embraced, so my signature outfits consisted of oversized t-shirts & baggy jeans. Thank goodness baggy clothes were in back then! Thank you TLC for my fashion inspiration in the 90’s! Alexa, play “Hat 2 Da Back” please.

     Even though I was extremely self-conscious about the vast majority of my outer appearance, there were 2 things I liked: my hair (before I started chopping it off) & my super flat stomach. The midriffs were in full effect in college & throughout my 20’s. You really couldn’t tell me anything when I could get back into my pre-pregnancy jeans 10 days after delivering my son via C-section. 🤰🏽

Self-Love Embraced: Learning to Love the Skin I’m In 😍

It wasn’t until my mid-20s that I started embracing myself. Not gonna lie, it took a relationship to get my head right, but it set something off in my head.  It was the boost I needed to be convinced that I didn’t need to have the same body type as other women. 🧨 Not to mention, going to my high school reunion & seeing how a good bit of people who had body ody ody back then were not body ody ody’ing anymore. That grown woman weight hits different!

Total Self-Love: The Inside is What Really Counts 💯

There’s no use in being Belle on the outside if your inside is like the Beast! 👸🏾🐉 An ugly soul shines through every time. Fortunately, I didn’t have to do a lot of changing my inner being. I was already pleasant, but I had to tweak a few other things.

     My intelligence & ability to analyze stuff were assets that I allowed others to see. I did well in school, & my people knew I could find something out in a heartbeat. 💓 I didn’t hide being smart; it was my ticket to a better life. School wasn’t about popularity for me; it was about graduating with honors so I could go to a good college. My brain was my flex.

     The only issue with being smart was being just as shy. I was super quiet & hated getting called on in class. Having to do a speech gave me so much anxiety I’d be choking back tears. I hated having the spotlight on me. 🫣 Honestly, I still do, but I’m working on inching out of my comfort zone. You can’t do business or change the world in solitary silence!

Lacking Self-Love Will Have You Like…😠

Being quiet made me vulnerable to a lot of people & situations. I didn’t like confrontations or drama, so when either reared their ugly heads, I shut down. Being Ms. Take One For the Team turned my heart cold. 🥶 As I’ve gotten older, I’ve built more walls & side eye everyone the first time I’m around them. Neither of these extremes was (or still is) good for me or others. 

     On one hand, I feel protected. The walls make it less likely I’ll get hurt. On the other hand, I can be standoffish & come off mean at times. I’m skeptical of everything & everyone. Not many will get very close to me unless we’ve either been through some serious stuff together or I see you as a real authentic, thorough person. 💯

The Quest For Self-Love 🕵🏽‍♀️

When I finally was alone, like barely hanging with friends & SINGLE single alone, I had plenty of time to self-reflect & put in the work to change the dark parts of my personality. Journaling allowed me to let my thoughts & feelings spill out on the pages. ✍🏽 I was able to be real & free, & it helped me to really start loving all of me.

     Once you fall in love with yourself inside & out, you start standing on business. My tolerance for mess is in the negative. 📉 I stopped allowing my partners to disrespect me in any way, whether it was lying, cheating, or anything else I didn’t feel worthy of receiving. You got out of line, you got dropped from the team. I demanded to be treated like a queen, & once I did that, my king found me.

     Getting to a place where you can love yourself the majority of the time has its challenges. You really have to put effort into not falling into what society deems acceptable. In all honesty, what’s acceptable today won’t be the case a decade from now. Look at how the BBLs are starting to phase out. 👀 You just have to embrace yourself, flaws & all. There’s not a person walking this Earth that’s flawless, even if Queen Bey said it. There’s scars to your beautiful!

Tune in next week for part 2, where we’ll get into body positivity…