Reclaim Your Peace: The Art of Setting Boundaries After Forgiveness 🙅🏽‍♀️

Forgiveness is something that can be difficult to give, especially when something painful or negative was done to a person. There’s a chance the situation left physical or emotional scars that are hard to ignore or get rid of, thus making it easy to hold a grudge. 😠 Spiritually, that’s not the way to go. 

     Forgiveness isn’t impossible, regardless of the offense. However, it can be a task that’s not the most pleasant nor easiest thing to do. It takes time, effort, & setting boundaries. ⏳ It can be done though, so let’s look into how, shall we?

The Importance of Forgiveness 🤲🏽 

The saying goes “ forgiveness isn’t for the other person; it’s for you,” but how true is that? My opinion: it’s a little of truth with a little false sprinkled in. 

     On one hand, forgiveness is somewhat for the offender’s benefit. They might feel better if the person they wronged extends forgiveness. They might feel like there’s no beef to worry about in the future. 😱 They could also feel like their responsibility in the issue has been resolved since the person has “gotten past” the situation. Therefore, forgiveness does benefit the person at fault to a certain degree.

     On the other hand, forgiveness takes a weight off of the offended’s shoulders. 🏋🏽‍♀️ There’s no mental or moral internal argument between letting things go & holding on to the pain. It’s one less thing to stress about. And there’s the opportunity to repair relationships…with stipulations. You’ve got to set boundaries to avoid being in the same situation again. 

Forgiveness & Boundaries 🫶🏽

There’s no rule that you have to forgive someone, but there’s also no rule saying you have to make things the way they were prior to the offense. Just because you’re forgiven, it doesn’t mean you have a clean slate to do whatever again. This is where something I’ve been working on in 2024 comes in: boundaries. 🤚🏾

     Boundaries can be anything you feel, whether others think they’re reasonable or not. They’re about your comfort level, not anyone else’s. You forgive on your terms & in your way, accepted or not. Hate it or love it, it is what it is!🤷🏽‍♀️

     Setting boundaries is oftentimes needed in order to really forgive someone. It’s not easy to bounce back & continue on like nothing happened (at least not for me). And since I don’t bounce back easily, I’m working on setting boundaries where they need to be set. Nobody gets a pass, & I do mean NOBODY! Protecting my peace is more important than someone else’s peace. Sorry, not sorry!🤷🏽‍♀️

Forgiveness the Meia Way 🙋🏽‍♀️

The old Meia had conflicting sides with forgiveness. 😇😈I’d move on with 99% of people as long as there was either an apology or they had a very close connection to me. I was all about people pleasing & keeping the peace, so I’d swallow my feelings & take one for the team. It didn’t matter if it was a friend, parent, or someone else close, I just chalked it up. 

     Just because I moved on to keep the peace, it didn’t mean I had forgiven the person or was over the situation. ☮️ It just meant I wasn’t trying to be the villain in the story & was more concerned about being likable than being emotionally ok. As I matured, I discovered that this way of handling forgiveness was unhealthy as all get out, so I had to switch it up.

     This new Meia is the total opposite, & that’s not always good either. I could care less about other people’s opinions of me. Like they say, “that’s their business.” It just takes too much out of you to care about the negative feelings people have about you. There’s more than enough going on in adulthood to not be concerned about that. 💯

     On top of not caring about opinions, I can forgive but my memory is like an elephant’s: I remember the most insignificant details of a lot of things. Because of that, I side-eye the person if I decide to still deal with them & choose to move accordingly. 😒 In other words, I’m going to watch you like a hawk & never trust you again. 👀 The bad thing is not everyone stays the same, so expecting the same behavior isn’t necessarily fair to them. 

     Also, it reinforces my trust issues. I’ve always had trust issues; I mean since I was a little girl. 👧🏾 I don’t even remember why or when it started, but it’s always been there. Up until the last decade or so, I never trusted anyone 100%. I expected the worst out of everyone & every situation every time. Most of the time I was right, but that didn’t make it right. Now I’ve learned who to trust wholeheartedly & who to trust that they’re going to be who they’re going to be regardless. 

     This year, I’ve been forced to set boundaries with many people. I had to do better with not being so quick to answer the phone when I’m on PTO from work.📵 I had to put a cap on the amount of money I’m willing to allow someone to borrow & who I’m comfortable with giving money to. 💸 I had to let go of my control issues & accept that people are going to do whatever they want so there’s no need in stressing. 😖 I also had to distance myself from some folks, places, & situations. 🤚🏾When those antennas go up, ya girl is backing out but watching you simultaneously. 👋🏽✌🏽

Putting Forgiveness Into Perspective with Spiritual Self-Care 🙏🏽

I’ve been tapping into my spiritual side more in 2024. The universe has a way of letting you know when you need to pivot on your plan, & it sure has let me know that I had to switch it up this year. We weren’t into the new year 2 weeks before drama & stress reared their ugly lil heads, so it was no coincidence that I ended up diving deeper into my spirituality. 🙏🏽

     Before the tests started kicking in, one of my goals for 2024 was to figure out exactly what I wanted spiritually. I love God & know He’s real, but I haven’t been sure of whether there was a need to choose a Christian denomination. 🤨 I’m still trying to figure that out, but I’m trying to read the Bible cover to cover & attend more spiritual activities too. The Lord has been drawing me near; He knew exactly what I’d need from Him this year!

     Between that spiritual journey & trying to cater to a broader group of customers, the development of Soulful Serenity came right on time. Digging deeper into the Bible to pick the right scriptures gave me an extra dose of spirituality. 🧘🏽‍♀️ Creating monthly themes for each section, like grace, gratitude, faith, & trust, had me examining myself a little more. It made me look at myself & those around me & start moving differently according to what the situation is.

     Forgiveness is a part of spiritual self-care. 🧎🏽‍♀️‍➡️ Me being able to feel lighter because I forgive people has me feeling like a better, more spiritually-healthy person. However, I’ve also become more comfortable with being able to forgive but also set boundaries to protect myself. When a person shows you who they are, you better believe them the first time. No sense in touching a stove 30 times before realizing it’s hot & will burn you every time! 🔥

     I’ve definitely given more grace with boundaries now than I used to. I don’t go straight to cutting someone off & never deal with them again. ✂️ I used to be able to look through a person I fell out with like I didn’t see or know them before & keep right on walking. Now I’m ok with distancing myself but can be cordial when I need to. #Growth …well, a lil bit! 😜

     There’s no time like the present to work on your spirit & implement something that protects you physically, emotionally, financially, mentally, & spiritually. You don’t have to discount yourself for others to be full. Forgive for your own spiritual, but don’t be afraid to protect yourself too. Friend, family, or foe; anyone can go! ✌🏽You’re worthy of it, period!

     Forgiveness isn’t impossible, regardless of the offense. However, it can be a task that’s not the most pleasant nor easiest thing to do. It takes time, effort, & setting boundaries. ⏳ It can be done though, so let’s look into how, shall we?