Take Your Love to a Higher Level: Put the 5 Love Languages in the Game 🎯

Valentine’s Day…a seriously commercialized & overrated day. It’s all about buying chocolates, teddy bears, roses, & other mess…all for one day. 🧸💝💐 Back in the day, it was cute, but now that I’m GROWN grown, let me get the love the other 364 days of the year. I guess knowing my love language explains my take on that, both in my romantic & in my self-love relationships. Let me break each down for you.

Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation 🗣️💗

First up is words of affirmation; wanting others to tell you how they feel about you. Not a soul doesn’t like a compliment from others, especially people they care about. They make your heart swell, have you poking your chest out a little more, put a smile on your face, & make you feel all warm & fuzzy. ❤️😍 You know, give you all the feels. 🥰

     Back in my younger years, this one was very important to me. My self-esteem was subpar, so hearing others boost me up helped me feel better about myself. Unfortunately, that became the only way I felt confident. 😔 As I matured though, words from others became less important (at least from people I don’t know or care about). I learned to love myself, flaws & all, & embrace the many things I love about my uniqueness. 🥰

     According to the 5 Love Languages test, this language is second on my list. 2️⃣ If someone I care about says something negative about me, it stings a little; but if it were to come from husbae, it hits different. 👊🏽 Thankfully, I have a man who is respectful, my biggest cheerleader, & never fails to tell me how he feels about me. It’s like his words are the only thing that matter. Thank you Lord for blessing me with someone to help break generational curses! 🙏🏽🤩

     Now when it comes to self-love, learning to affirm myself aided in boosting my self-esteem. Those daily affirmations I write on my whiteboard to see first thing in the morning help me to start off on a positive note, regardless of how I may feel when I open my eyes. Shoot, I woke up in pain this morning, but mentally & emotionally I’m good. And ending my night with an affirmation at the top of each page of my Intentional Journal sends me to bed with a positive frame of mind as well. 🛌😊

     Some self-love methods you can do to express this type of love are:

• Saying daily affirmations 🗣️: Keep those positive thoughts flowing. What you think, you become. Got them in all Intentional Products!
• Journal your strengths & gratitude✍🏽: We all have something we’re good at & something to be thankful for. Our journals have these too daily.
• Stay positive when you speak about yourself 💗: Don’t knock yourself. You deserve grace too.
• Recite mantras 🗣️: Say something uplifting that keeps you focused on the good things about yourself. Serenity is key.

Love Language #2: Acts of Service 👨🏾‍🔧

Language #2 is actually my #1. 🥇 These folks stay in the “show me” state (wherever that is 😂). Don’t speak about it; be about it. Show & tell, but do waaaaay more showing. The works after having faith. Put feet to pavement. All👏🏽those👏🏽things👏🏽!

      I learned a long time ago to believe half of what I hear but all of what I see. 👀 Yes, mirages exist, but how many times have you seen one? 🤔🤷🏽‍♀️ People will say anything to get what they want from you. Manipulation & selfishness run rampantly throughout society, especially in America. Honestly many in our culture are about personal gain, & that’s become a stereotype of Americans when we go to other countries. Thank goodness I don’t have those type of people around me! 🙅🏽‍♀️

     It’s a blessing to not have to worry about traditional gender roles & chauvinism in my relationship. Reality check: there are still people who think men/women should only do certain things. Praise God I don’t have one of those! I’d be single as a dollar bill. 💲

     Don’t get me wrong, I handle the stereotypical mess like cooking & being the primary caregiver of the kids (most of the time), but if I need Mr to cook a meal or keep his kids in formation he doesn’t hesitate. He’ll clean & wash dishes without being asked. 🧹🫧 I don’t have to worry about the grass, trash, or cars (although he is a certified E rider, but IDC about having to pump gas). 🏡 I’ve come home & he’s finished up tasks I had started or needed to get done. A legit helpmate!

     In terms of self-love, I do decent with it, but I definitely can show some improvement. I keep my hair & nail appointments every other week. 💇🏾‍♀️💅🏾 That’s a guaranteed 1-2 hours of alone time. I make sure I go to the doctor & dentist regularly, even though I hate both. I definitely keep myself organized so I don’t stress out (hello Intentional Planner!). I can bear to do more though. The people pleaser in me will sacrifice myself for others, & that’s not always a good thing.

     A few things you can do for self-love are:

• Making healthy meals🥗: Eating right is overrated, but it helps you in so many ways: energy, immunity, thinking clearly. I need to try this more often. The foodie in me just struggles (It just be callin’ me 🤤).
• Having a cleaning schedule🧹: Having a junky house ain’t an option for me. If it’s not together, I don’t feel like my life is in order. A schedule with reminders has worked wonders!
• Staying up-to-date with medical appointments, including mental health 🩺🦷: Take care of yourself, inside & out. You only have 1 body, so you have to treat it right.
• Keeping yourself looking good 😻: There is zero harm in getting your hair done/cut, nails & toes nice, seeing an esthetician, hitting the spa, & all the things in between. That’s the best part of self-care: showing yourself some L-O-V-E!

Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts 🎁

The middle child for me is receiving gifts…which was last on my list by a long shot. 5️⃣ I don’t know a person who doesn’t enjoy getting something from someone else. Getting gifts shows a person is thinking about you, especially if it’s spontaneous. But for me, it doesn’t really matter. 🤷🏽‍♀️

     Buying me things has never been a wow factor. Just from watching people’s behaviors & patterns, it makes me side eye someone when I spontaneously get a gift, meaning major gift. 🕵🏽‍♀️ The side eye that screams “what did you do” at the person. Also, all of those things can be gone in the blink of an eye. Then you’re just left with the memories of it. 

     Now I can say, husbae & I had a gift war going at the beginning of our relationship. He’d buy a dress; I’d buy a shirt. 👗👕 He’d get something else; I’d try to top him with something I’d buy for him. The best gift I think I ever received though was my Kindle. It showed he was listening to me & watching how much I value reading. It wasn’t a special occasion; he just came home from work with it one day. That surprise was great! Now, if I get something, fine; if I don’t, fine too. 

     As far as showing myself love through gifts…it happens once in a blue moon. 🌝 We have 1000 kids & even more bills, so it’s rare I’ll get something for myself. If I do buy something new, 9 times out of 10 it’s to take on a trip. 🛣️ Or it’ll be because I really reeeeeeeally wanted it & could afford it. 

     Now trips are something I’ll spend on without a doubt. We travel at least twice a year out of the state or country, but I’m aiming for once a quarter somewhere out of town this year. 🗺️ It’s my way of decompressing, dropping all responsibilities for a few days, & having straight up fun. Passport stamp me please! 🛫🙋🏽‍♀️

     To express love for self through gifts, here are a few pointers:

• If you love it, get it 💳: Don’t just spend because you can. Spend because the items will bring you joy & positive vibes.
• Do something on your bucket list ☑️: Make a list of things you want to do/see/visit, & go for it. YOLO!
• Invest in yourself 🧐: Learning is limitless, so use some of your money & time to level up. Whether it’s a class for a new hobby or another certification, more knowledge = more power. 💪🏽
• Get out & see the world 🌎 : Here goes my traveling. The world has so many things, people, & experiences outside of our own homes, cities, counties, states, & countries; don’t miss out on your chance to make great memories & learn a little more about others.

Love Language #4: Quality Time ⏳

The fourth love language is quality time.⌚️Time is something you can never get back. It’s also something people rarely forget (aside from a medical reason for memory issues). One of the best feelings when you feel alone (& lonely, for that matter) is having someone right there with you. 👩🏾‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏾

     Language #4 tied for second place with me. 2️⃣ I love my alone time, but I love the time with my boo just as much. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing because we’re going to cut up regardless. 🤷🏽‍♀️😂 Even if we’re just on the couch, remote in hand, & eating snacks, it’s a vibe. I prefer the low key life anyway, & he matches my frequency. I’ve had some of the most enjoyable memories with him, & there will definitely be many more in the future.

      Now as far as quality time with myself…chiiiiiiile YES PLEASE! 🙏🏽 Growing up with 3 sisters rarely gave me a chance to be alone. My insecurities wouldn’t allow me to comfortably be alone in my 20’s. But now, that sound of nothing, no obligation to talk to or pay attention to anyone or anything, & doing whatever I please is so welcomed. 🤗However, it takes work to be comfortable with yourself, but it’s so worth it.

     It might seem difficult to show how give yourself quality time, but here are a few suggestions: 

• Schedule time just for yourself 📅: Think something like my morning & nighttime routines. Outside of yoga in the evening, the rest of those blocks of time are strictly for me so I can get mentally & physically prepared for whatever is to come. Get your meditation on! 🧘🏽‍♀️
• Throw some hobbies & leisure activities in 🎨🎼📚: We weren’t made to endlessly work, so make sure you add some downtime to do the things you love. These are perfect when you need to take a break to mentally recharge to complete a task.
• Put sleep & exercise on your priority list 😴🏃🏾‍♀️: Those 2 are important ingredients in the healthy life recipe. Make sure you’re getting enough of both to feel rested & energized.
• Don’t overdo it 😩😖: I’m guilty of being the overachiever that is always busy. Prioritize your tasks for the day, make sure there are no more than 3 that are must-dos, & finish if you can.

Love Language #5: Physical Touch 🤗

The final type of love language is physical touch. 🫂 As humans, it’s important to feel another human’s touch at some point in time. The transfer of positive energy is so needed, especially when you’re feeling down. For me, it’s the second to last way to show me love.4️⃣

     I’m never been a touchy feely, Carl Thomas level emotional person. 😭🥹 I guess I’m just weird. On top of that, you have to be careful who touches you because everybody doesn’t have the best intentions. If you feel the bad vibes, keep your distance. 👎🏽🚫

     In my marriage, I enjoy when my partner touches me. He always has warm, soft hands, despite working with his them all day. Laying my head on his chest is one of my favorite places to be. My feet shoot right over to his side of the bed every night. However, I don’t want to be clingy, on my part or his. I’m learning to embrace physical affection from others though. Baby steps; bear with me! 👣👣

     In terms of self-love, I indulge in some kind of love daily. The night isn’t complete until I have a hot shower, lotion up, & put some soft pjs on. 🚿 I love a good massage, especially to kick a vacation off. 💆‍♀️ The hair appointment stays on the books every other Friday unless my stylist or I is out of town. When my nails grow out, I’m in the salon for a relaxing pedicure & SNS on the nails. Show your body some love.

     Some examples of expressing physical touch are:

• Stretching 🙆‍♀️: Yoga is something I begin & end the day with. You don’t realize how tight your muscles are until you start stretching them. Let some of the tension out.
• Soaking in the tub 🛀: Not a big fan of this unless I’m home & can shower right after, but taking time to soak with some epson salt & candlelight is relaxing AF. Grab a book, put on some soft music, or just sit back & clear your mind while you chill.
• Grab the good oils & lotions 🧴: Put some moisture back into your skin after that hot bath or shower. Smooth skin feels good to yourself & others.
• Hit the spa 🧖🏽‍♀️ : Whether you do an at-home spa treatment or visit a luxurious day spa, take time out to give your mind & body some TLC. You’re guaranteed to be zenned afterward. 🧘🏽‍♀️

     Knowing your love language helps others know you better, give you a better, version of themselves, & love you better. First, you have to know what you’re working with though. Take the test & let your loved ones in on how you need to be loved.🥰 😍😘 Head over to https://5lovelanguages.com to be enlightened!