Self-Love: Build Yourself Up; Don’t Let Yourself Down 💖💕

The younger years are a beast! From 6th grade through graduation, your mind, body, & soul go through so many changes, & with the changes comes challenges. One of my biggest challenges was self-love. Tonight, we’ll discuss how journaling helped me develop self-love by reprogramming my mind.📝🧘🏽‍♀️

Self-Love: The Teen Saga 

Childhood was always filled with twists & turns for me. As an Army brat, I found myself moving to another state or country every 3-5 years. 🇺🇸🇩🇪 Although I loved seeing the world, moving SUCKED! Making new friends was not the most favorite activity for a shy girl. We moved around so much that I went to 13 different schools between pre-K & 9th grade. 🚌📚 You read that right: 13! 

     Just imagine the amount of time it took for me to figure out where I fit in in a new place. It was as if as soon as I’d got comfortable with the place & people, it was time to move again. 🚚 And back into my shell I’d go. Climb the ladder, miss a step & fall to the bottom, & begin the quest again. And that cycle did a little number on my self-love. 

     I already was super shy, so when you throw in being skinny & a brainiac, it was easy to get sucked into a frame of mind where I thought I was lacking. Being smart wasn’t “cool.” Being shy made it difficult to make friends fast. And being skinny wasn’t a bonus either, especially as a black female. I was battling the in-crowd, & that’s a definite way of tanking your self-love. 💔

     On the outside, people thought I was comfortable in my skin, but the inside told a far different story. I deliberately wore baggy clothes until I got to college. No shorts nor dresses & skirts were purchased, even less worn, except for 2 occasions: prom & football games. 👗🏈 Prom pretty much only consisted of floor-length dresses, so I was ok then. Football games, not so much. Being a flag girl required me to wear a knee-length uniform, & every week I was subconscious…to the point I’d double my tights & sometimes wear socks under them to make my legs thicker. It was ridiculous!

     All of this was ingrained in me from what people felt like was ok to say. It’s never been cool to point out someone’s flaws, especially in a teasing or negative way. It didn’t matter how much the majority of people around me boosted me up; all I heard were the few negative comments on replay in my head every time it was time to get dressed & leave the house. 🤯 Human nature just doesn’t allow us to dismiss the negative so easily, so I carried that baggage into my 20’s.

Self-Love: Starting Adulthood

The foundation was set: ya girl was scarred. Although I started buying clothes that were a little more form-fitting (I loved that flat belly I had), there were still no shorts bought. Maxi dresses were the new thing, so a dress had to be just that if I was going to wear one. The insecurities were stuck though, & they continued until my mid-20’s.

     Ironically, it only took 1 person to boost me up for me to begin to have a smidgeon of confidence & self-love. At 26, I bought a few pairs of shorts, but I was also living in Florida & it made no sense to run around in jeans constantly when it was 10,000 degrees outside. 🥵 Even when I’d wear short, I’d be extremely uncomfortable & would stand at angles that made my legs look a little fuller. I’d had a baby, & the residual weight was in the right places. I think that’s what made it easier for me to gain a little confidence. 

     Returning to NC sent me back into a funk. I was back hanging around people who didn’t do the best for my self-love & self-confidence. I honestly think I sunk a little lower than before, but I continued to keep up appearances when I was around other people. I looked like I could own the room, but I hated having all eyes on me & would retreat purposely to a corner where I could see everyone & everything in the room.  🫣 And not having someone to give me reassurance sent me spiraling into a dark hole in my early 30’s.

Self-Love: The New Beginning 

Rock bottom equaled being ready to end all of the negative feelings by ending my life. 🕳️ That gave me the evidence that I needed to do something different so I could get different results. Hello, self-reflection through journaling! 📝📔

     Journaling became a bit of light in my darkness. 💡🕯️ I was able to digest the negativity going on around me. It forced me to take a real look in the mirror & deal with the parts I wanted & needed to change. 🪞I could write anything down without judgment, including from myself, & it felt good. It felt empowering. It felt therapeutic. 

     Working in the behavioral health field had me writing & implementing treatment plans for people for a living. Who would’ve known that I needed to write my own?! And I did! Journaling became a daily task before bed. 🛏️🥱 I filled up those pages soooooo much back then, & it helped me really deal with life  when it was lifin’. Coupled with therapy a few times a month, I began to evolve into someone new, someone more confident, & someone more realistic about the baggage I had collected over 31 years. And that 💩 was HEAVY!!!

     When I stopped carrying around mess, especially mess that wasn’t mine, I felt lighter figuratively & literally. 🧳 My mind was healthier, & that’s exactly what was needed for me to function effectively & be the best mom I could be. 👩‍👦It wasn’t negotiable when it came to getting better for my child. He deserved a whole person as a mother, so I made sure I did the work to give him that. 

Self-Love: The Creation of Intentional

After being a journal addict for about a decade & seeing how life-changing it can be, I birthed Intentional. The pandemic was a time that made people have no choice but to reflect. My life only changed by working from home & remote learning for That Lil Girl. Nothing else changed in the Washington household, but not being able to do things in person with my people brought about boredom. After I finished my Masters, I needed something else to occupy my mind, so I got to work. 👩🏽‍🎓

     I wanted to make extra money. Who doesn’t? But more importantly, I wanted to touch & change lives. Passing along info about self-care was the perfect way to do that, especially when people had nothing but time on their hands. 🧘🏽‍♀️ Plus, the pandemic brought out a lot of information about properly managing mental & physical health, so the stars aligned at the perfect time. And so you have Intentional Journals. 

     Not to toot my own horn, but these journals have you covered in so many ways. Of course you have space to write freely. I even did a revised version since customers wanted more space to write. Each page starts off with a different positive affirmation; a reminder that you’re a dope ass person. 🥰😘 Every 3 days, you have the option of varying things up with a writing prompt instead of free-writing. And the bottom of each page gives you the opportunity to reflect on the day. It has a section for lessons you learned & another to express gratitude for the day. The final section at the bottom is for setting 3 goals for the next day. In essence, each page allows you to reflect on the past, sit in the present, & look forward to the future. Perfect way to get yourself back into the swing of boosting your self-love!

     Sometimes we get so caught up with loving others that we forget about loving ourselves. I definitely did for a long time. Even when you have a decent level of self-love, you still have to do the work to maintain it. You won’t always be your biggest fan, but you can definitely try to have a healthy amount of self-love. You have to do the work though. 

     I hope Intentional’s content & products are helping at least one person love on themselves a little more. If that’s the case, I’ve accomplished my mission. The world of self-care is so broad, so holler at me if there’s something you’d like to see discussed. Spread knowledge; spread love! 💗