Send a Smoke Signal Out, Sis! There’s Nothing Wrong With Asking For Help; It’s Self-Care!

Asking for help is something that can come difficultly for some people. Some believe it shows weakness or lack of independence. Others think it displays being needy. However, none of the above are correct. Asking for help is an act of self-care!

You Know It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp

I might be one of the people at the top of the list who try their hardest not to ask others for help. On one hand, I don’t want anyone to throw anything back at me about what they’ve done for me. On the other hand, I’m very particular about things & would prefer to do them the way I want them instead of correcting how someone else did it. I also don’t want to worry about whether the task was not only completed, but also completed correctly. Control Freak #1!

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that I don’t have to do everything on my own. Things aren’t like they used to be in my past. I actually have people in my circle who care & are willing to help, no strings attached. My main supporter is the husbae. Although I know he has a lot on his plate, I also know he’s more than willing to help me carry any of the load. I don’t have to worry about the tit for tat. There’s no competition or keeping score in our marriage. If I win, we both win! A real partnership!

My sisters…nothing to even say here! We’ve been 10 toes down since the womb, & I don’t ever have to worry about whether one of them is going to jump to aid another. Whether it’s something minor like letting dogs out or something major like needing money, one of us is gonna step every 👏🏽damn👏🏽time👏🏽! #DemMilesGuhls4Life

Now my friend group doesn’t really get called on often, outside of listening to each other vent. Thankfully, none of us really have major issues at this point in life. I don’t know if age & maturity have mellowed us out, or if the Lord just knows we’ve had our fair share of struggles, but I know if I needed them, they’d be right there. Experiences with them over the years have proven that, & I hope they know I’ve got them just as hard as they have me.

Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed

I’m sure almost everyone has heard that saying. It’s definitely facts because no one knows what you need unless you express it. For some, expression comes easy. They can ask anybody for anything at any time. No shame in their game. If they need something, they’re going to ask for it. Shoot, some ask too freely. All they need is an answer so they can move forward.

Then there’s the handful of folks who ask for things but use manipulative reverse psychology to guilt you into helping. Y’all know the ones: “oh I hate to ask you but…” Yeah, ok. Now, it’s the Godly thing to do by helping others; however, there are some folks that seem to need something all the time & never reciprocate. Some don’t even say “thank you.” The entitlement, honey!

Those are the ones I can’t deal with. It’s not give & take; it’s give & give back! Not that it should be expected that you return the favor; it’s more-so that you feel compelled to return the favor out of gratitude. And that gratitude doesn’t have to be tangible. The fact that the person will reach out to me just to see how I’m doing (& without asking for anything) is enough for me. Show me you value me for more than being Rescue 9-1-1!

Another type is like me: acknowledging you need the help but getting anxiety about having to ask. I will literally look for every other possibility before I reach out for help. My past is filled with “if I do this, I’m gonna need you to…” & “well I did this for you so…” Because of that trauma, I tend to lean towards being self-sufficient. Trauma has a way of messing your head all up, whether it’s something subtle or something catastrophic. They’re definitely issues you have to work on coping with & reprogramming your mind to think differently.

Trauma isn’t the only reason I do more things for myself than I tend to ask for assistance with. I’m a solver. I love puzzles & trying to figure out the ins & outs of things. All of the games on my phone are brain-stimulating ones that make you think. So when a challenge arises, I’m determined to figure out the solution. It gives me a bit of a rush. I’m going to hunker down & try to work through the issue, going through every other possible solution before I reach out for help. The overachiever in me is a gift & a curse!

Did You Realize Asking for Help is Self-Care?

Who would’ve thought getting assistance was taking care of yourself? I certainly don’t think of it that way. I just think of how I might inconvenience the other party by asking for help. However, it really is prioritizing yourself. Just think about it: why is it so bad to ask someone to help you carry the load you have? It’s not, no matter how much you may try to convince yourself it is.

Not convinced? Check out these benefits of asking for help:

• Lessening your load
• Strengthening relationships with those who are helping you
• Easing anxiety
• Building self-esteem
• Avoiding burnout
• Gaining a valuable & fresh insight on the issue
• Building trust

All in all, there’s no shame in asking for help, but don’t take advantage of those you frequently ask for things. Swallowing my pride & reaching out when I need it is something I’m still working on. Reprogramming your mind takes time & consistency. Empower yourself by freeing up some time & energy for other things. You don’t have to walk through life or issues alone!