No New Friends, They Say…True or False? Intentional

Friendships have been hard to come by for me. Being an Army brat, I had to get used to moving to a new place & being forced to make new friends every 3-5 years. We lived in Virginia, California, New York, Germany, & Maryland before we finally settled in Charlotte, NC. I went to 13 schools in the 12 years of schooling pre-college. And every time it was time to move, I’d go back into my shell, knowing that it was time to be “the new girl” again.

I’m pretty shy, so making new friends was no easy feat for me. I hated to raise my hand or speak in class or talk to people I didn’t know. I hated having attention on me from people outside of my family. And I was extremely introverted, preferring to sit in my room & read instead of going outside to play. In all actuality, I’m still somewhat that way. I’ve just pushed myself to get outside of my comfort zone a little more as I’ve gotten older. I want to experience as much as possible during this short lifetime we have.

My Hittas, My Hittas!

My friend circle is from all walks of life. The longest lasting one is genetic: my sisters. As we’ve gotten older, we’ve grown closer. The Sister Chat stays lit, whether we’re sending each other videos or catching up on the latest scoop. I’d sit in a jail cell behind them, & they’d do the same for me. Talk about ride or die! “Miles Sisters” is tatted on my left forearm (something we all did during my birthday sister trip a few years ago); we’re all we got!

The next duo I picked up along my life journey are the Welborn’s. Erin & I were on rival cheerleading squads in middle school but somehow got tight when we all went to the same high school. She’s been through so much with me. Her older sister Kim kept us straight in college at UNC, & it’s been full steam ahead since! They support my life endeavors, & I do the same for them. They’re my sisters from another mister!

My honey is my BFF! We met 13 years ago at a club. (Yes people, it is possible to find your spouse in the club. Not everyone is looking for a drunk booty call.) Anyways…that’s my dude. He balances me out. He’s the calm to my storm. I can go anywhere from the hole in the wall strip club to a black tie affair with him & have a ball. I’m blessed to have an all-in-one life partner!

My friendships that have blossomed from being in the trenches have kept me sane when I’m on the clock. Neicey & I have been rocking since we were working in behavioral health in the community over a decade ago. She’s my daughter’s godmother, & we love her & her kids to pieces. We’ve laughed til we’ve cried & cried til we laughed. That’s my ace! Gen, Britt, Court, Shauna, & Bill took my crazy behind in when I moved out of the community & into the hospital setting. They’ve made it easy to come to work regardless of how I’m feeling mentally or physically. I may have to be on the clock for 10 hours, but I’m guaranteed to laugh almost the whole time. And they put up with my shenanigans, so hey! Gotta love my work family!

My Bday Crew was brought together by our wedding planner Shawon. We linked up on a couples retreat, &, as a result, meet for each person’s birthday for dinner, drinks, & laughs. As much as I hate leaving my house, I look forward to our dinners at new restaurants & to catch up with these ladies. We’re all from different professions, different relationships, & different walks of life, but we fit like a glove. Each of them inspires me in a different way, & I can’t thank them enough for it. We meet next Monday, & I can’t wait to eat good food & get good laughs!

I have a few cousins (biological & inherited) that hold me together too. I’m guaranteed to have a good time whether I’m talking to them via text, FaceTime, or sitting at someone’s house on the rare occasions we can get together to love on each other. Some have become family as a result of our parents’ friendships & others found me on Ancestry.com (looooong story for another day). Regardless, Avery, Jordan, Brian, & Denise have done nothing less than brought joy to my life. Good laughs, good times!

So What’s the Deal?

Now that you’ve gotten acquainted with my people, let’s get into some formal, yet valuable info. Relationships of all types are great, BUT BUT BUT it’s more important for them to be healthy. The main way to figure out if your relationship is healthy is to look at the amount of give & take on both parts. If everyone ain’t eating, none of us should be eating! We’ll be splitting this dollar menu burger or starving together, honey.

In addition to being mutually beneficial, there are a few other essential parts of a healthy relationship such as:

Open communication
Trust
Respect
Making time for one another
Engaging in healthy activities together

You have to put effort into each of these for things to work. Show your people you love, appreciate, & support them while they’re still breathing. We’re only here for a limited amount of time, so we have to maximize the good times with good people.

How Do Your Relationships Tie Into Self-Care?

Heathy relationships of all types benefit your physical & mental health. They reduce stress, protect you from sickness, help you develop a deeper sense of purpose, & help you live a long life. That much positivity surrounding you can’t help but rub positive vibes off on your life.

For these things to come into fruition, you have to pour into yourself first. There’s nothing wrong with balancing me time with we time. Codependency is real, but a lot of people don’t realize that’s what they’re doing. If you feel like you can’t function without someone or something else, you’re codependent (check out my blog on it at https://intentionallyevolve.com/2023/02/the-only-limit-to-boundaries-is-the-one-you-set/ for more info on that topic).

I love my me time, honey! It allows me time to clear my head & escape from the constant hustle for a little while. The more time you take to recharge yourself, the more effort you can give to your relationships. What do they say? You can’t pour from an empty cup…Big facts!

Life is busy, but don’t let it be too busy to establish real, solid relationships. I try to give mine some attention monthly, even if it’s just interacting on social media or sending a short text. Those folks keep me in formation & inspire me to push harder. That’s part of the reason I feel like I need to step outside of my comfort zone a little more to meet new people to network with. I’ve met some pretty dope people so far, & I want to meet more. I’m pretty sure there are more people that can inspire me & that i can inspire too. I’m going to a mental health symposium solo on Saturday that’s going to push my out of my comfort zone. Hopefully I can meet some people that I can add to this great circle of love I have gained over the years. Holla at your people, y’all!

Resources

https://www.verywellmind.com/all-about-healthy-relationship-4774802

https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-relationship

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/self-care-in-relationships-creating-me-time-within-we-0512165/amp/