Help Me Be a Better Me

Over the years, my self-awareness has definitely grown. When I was younger, my public self-awareness was more important, or at least I thought so. I was super self-conscious about everything & constantly worried about how others saw me & what they thought of me. Their opinions mattered way more than my own, & I didn’t realize how that took a negative toll on me until I was deep into my 20’s. 

     For starters, I was ridiculously shy. I mean, shy to the point I would be near tears when I had to speak in front of the class. I would (& still do at times when I feel like eyes are on me) walk looking at the ground. I was hyper-aware of how others might perceive me & neglected how it made me feel on the inside. The only thing I do remember is wanting to feel invisible at times. Even today, I can’t stand attention!

     Now, I’m way more focused on my private self-awareness, or being able to recognize & reflect on my own feelings, beliefs, thoughts, & actions. Although I’m aware of how others may perceive me, I don’t care anywhere near as much. It is what it is! I’m very straight-up-no-chaser now (mostly because I want others to be straight up with me as well). I recognize my triggers & the resulting feelings & behaviors. I advocate more for myself instead of burying my thoughts & feelings. I call myself on my bs when no one else is there to check me. I’m overall more self-aware.

What Exactly Is Self-Awareness?

     Self-awareness is the ability to take a good look at yourself & how everything about you aligns or doesn’t align with your morals & standards. It’s taking the blinders off & being real with yourself. That can be pretty difficult at times, especially when it comes to admitting you’re a hot mess. 

     Looking myself in the mirror isn’t always the easiest to do when I have to dive into those dark places. However, it’s the only way to really grow. Not to mention, it allows you to evaluate your values, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, strengths, & weaknesses. Those all need to be re-examined every once in awhile anyway. Nobody is stagnant in any of those categories, & if they are, they’re missing out on a lot in life.

     Becoming more self-aware is the only true way to know how to take care of yourself. How can you put self-care practices in place if you don’t know how you feel & what you need? You can’t! Until you do, you’re just blindly throwing darts at a dartboard or picking something out of a hat. We can’t play about our self-care, so it’s imperative for us to know what’s really going on inside.

How Will Self-Awareness Help Me?

     There are so many benefits of self-awareness. At first, it may not feel like there’s a good reason to look into yourself, but I assure you, there are far more pros than cons. Here are some of them:

• Power to influence outcomes

Who doesn’t want the ability to change your destiny? By knowing what you want & need, how you feel, & what you value, you’ll have the ability to choose what things impact you more often. Because I know my triggers & I’m big on vibes, I’ll steer clear of people, places, & things that jeopardize my peace. For example, I’m not willingly going into a crowded place or being around attention-seeking people. Crowds give me anxiety & attention-seekers irk my nerves, so I’ll politely bow out of those situations when possible.

• Become better decision-makers 

When you know what you want, need, & value, you can choose how to move to get those things that count. Impulsivity can be tossed to the side because you’ll be more aware of how you feel inside before making decisions. I’m constantly thinking about decisions I need to make, but I’m going to take the time to make sure they align with who I am before I say “yes” or “no.”

• Better communicators & better relationships 

Because you’ll be more self-confident, you’ll be able to communicate more effectively. You’ll be more in tune with yourself, & as a result, you’ll advocate better for yourself. Communicating better also improves your ability to have better relationships. Whether they’re romantic, familial, work, spiritual, or social, good relationships add plenty to your life that’s positive.

• Can see multiple perspectives & decreases assumptions & biases 

Being in tune with yourself & others allows you to see the bigger picture. There’s more than one way to look at things, so being aware of how you feel & how others may perceive you allows you to see things both ways. It’s not all about you, so you have to gain a better understanding of the overall picture.

• Self-regulation increases 

When you know how you’re feeling & how those feelings can make you react, you’ll be able to more effectively get yourself in order. Seeing the monster for who it is allows you to defeat it. Take those triggers by the reins & command control! You control the emotions; not the other way around.

• Decreases stress

Being a big ball of emotions is no fun! In fact, it causes you mental & physical stress, & nobody likes to be stressed. Once again, when you know what you feel, value, & think, you’ll know how to handle those things with ease.

• More happiness

This may be the most important! What’s life without happiness? Not the happiness that something material may bring or even that another person may bring you. I mean, true happiness that comes from within. That bopping along in your head to Pharrell’s song “Happy” kind of happiness. Once you know what you want, you’ll have more of an idea how to get it!

Show Me The Way to Self-Awareness

     To grow, you have to put in the work. You don’t just know yourself without really getting into the hidden pieces of your being. There are 4 keys to self-awareness: mindfulness, self-compassion, reflection, & feedback. And like a cake, you need all ingredients to make it work out great!

Step 1: Mindfulness

     It’s important to be aware of yourself in real time. There’s no time like the present, so pay attention to how you feel, what you think, & how you act in the moment. Sit in your feelings & use all of your senses to interpret the truth behind the emotions.

     One way is to take time to just breathe. Inhale & exhale for 3 seconds each. Focus on your breathing & ask yourself what you’re feeling, paying attention to what parts of your body you’re feeling it in. This will allow you to tap in to your innermost feelings & gain a better understanding of them.

Step 2: Self-compassion

     Nobody is perfect, so cut yourself some slack. Your feelings are valid, but don’t allow the negative feelings & thoughts to consume you or cause guilt. Acknowledge the feeling, but show yourself some grace.

     You can do this by identifying the emotion, owning it, & letting it go. So what you got angry? Everyone does! Just acknowledge how & what it made you feel, & choose to learn from any negative behaviors. You’re only human!

Step 3: Reflection

     You have to do the work now & look back on what you felt. Try to figure out if there was a specific trigger, & how it made you feel & behave. Dig deep into what you find because you may find the reason behind those reactions.

     Journaling is a great way to reflect. You get to pour your thoughts out without judgment & can go back & read how you felt later on. Between what you write & other things you might remember, you’ll have the opportunity to think about how you can react differently in the future. Whether it’s freestyle or guided, journaling is a great reflective tool (& Intentional has you covered with that tool 😉 at https://intentionallyevolve.com/product-category/journals/).

Step 4: Feedback

     Take everything you’ve gathered from the above steps, & note what you discover. The point of self-awareness is to learn from what you find & change paths if necessary. Don’t be afraid of what you gather. It won’t all be positive, but it’ll be helpful in your journey to grow.

     Not only can you use those steps, but you can also use other tools. Self-awareness quizzes can give you some insight. A few are included in this link: https://www.developgoodhabits.com/self-awareness-test/

     A few other methods are meditation, therapy, & working on your ability to perceive your emotions & other people’s emotions (also known as emotional intelligence). Meditation is good for assisting with mindfulness. It guides you into remaining in the present & tapping into your senses. Therapy allows you to express yourself verbally with the help of a licensed clinician. You can express any of your thoughts, feelings, & beliefs in a judgment-free zone, & the clinician is there to guide you through the process. Developing emotional intelligence allows you to get to know yourself better & get along with others better. You’ll be able to read the room more effectively by recognizing & naming your emotions & receiving feedback about how you behave in certain situations.

     Regardless of what method(s) you use, it’s essential to improve your self-awareness. We all know the importance of self-care, but you can’t effectively take care of yourself if you don’t understand your feelings, thoughts, & behaviors. Check these resources out for more info on how to up your self-awareness! 

https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-self-awareness

https://www.ilovecosmetics.co.uk/blog/10-self-care-practices/

https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-be-more-self-aware-and-why-its-important#tips