Grab Your Backpack, Dora, But Leave the Map!
Growth is hard. Growth can be painful. Growth can be scary. One thing personal growth definitely is though is it’s worth every bit of the blood, sweat, & tears you put into becoming that new person! Been there, done that, & still striving to continue on my journey of growing into a bigger & better person!
When I reflect on who & where I was 20 years ago, babyyyyyyyy…thank you, Lord! I was in the streets heavy; like every weekend in the club. I was hanging out with dope boys. I was drinking & dabbling in various drugs. I was living my best life, or so I thought. What I wasn’t doing was taking care of myself mentally or physically, prioritizing my son, or being focused on conquering my goals.
I hit rock bottom at the end of 2010 & was ready to end it all. I was tired of feeling the way I was feeling, dealing with people who didn’t have my back like I had theirs, & putting on the facade that I had it all together & under control. I was tired of not feeling loved & not loving myself. A mental flash of my young son’s face is what changed my split-second decision to not leave this world, & I’ve called him my guardian angel ever since. Instead of going off that overpass, I went to get help, & it’s been a different mindset ever since.
I digested the behavioral health info I taught at work & learned through therapy, & I started my quest of personal development. The term “personal development” means taking time to reflect on what’s going on with you on the inside & focusing on ways to go to your next level. It involves some serious self-exploration: digging into your own thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, identity, background, views, & emotions, with the purpose of better understanding yourself. It takes some serious time & dedication to embark on that journey, especially because a lot of it can show how ugly your truth is.
That self-reflection was something real! I figured out so much about myself: where my self-destructive habits started, why I began partaking in them, & who played parts in how I became that way. I saw how family & friends have shaped me, but I also had to take responsibility for the parts I played in becoming who I was. There was always some subconscious decision I made to put me in the place I was in, but acknowledging my part was super hard! No one wants to admit their faults. Where’s the fun in that?
I did the work though, & it helped me to move into a healthier mental space, a healthier body, & healthier relationships. Watching my growth, even when I thought it was baby steps, was fascinating. Looking back over the years, I can now see how far I’ve come, no matter how big or small the steps were.
5 Areas of Personal Growth
There’s no single way to grow. In fact, there are 5 areas you can push yourself to be better in:
- Mental: This area involves exercising your brain. You can’t go around your whole life not being mentally stimulated. Your mind will turn to mush. It’s imperative to make sure you’re constantly learning about the people, places, & things all over the world. There’s an infinite amount of knowledge to learn, so be a serial student.
I love to learn, so this might be my favorite area to grow. Whether it’s from being in school, watching something on TV, reading something, or experiencing something, I don’t want to miss out on any moments to grow in this area. It’s the main reason I love to travel. There’s so much more than myself, my family & friends, & my city, state, & country!
- Physical: This one is a no-brainer. It’s so important to take care of yourself physically, so eating healthy on a regular basis & getting exercise need to be prioritized. Sleep is also an area that helps maintain your physical health. Action in all 3 areas will help you optimize feeling well physically.
This is my least favorite area of growth because I can’t stand exercising & struggle with eating healthy. I’m a foodie, so I struggle with staying on the good foot when it comes to nutrition. I’m determined to get myself together & take it more seriously this year though.
- Emotional: Getting to know & understand your feelings helps you the most. If you’re not able to read yourself & others well, you’ll struggle in pretty much every other area. Your emotional intelligence can make or break you, so prioritizing growth in this area is mandatory. Otherwise, you’ll crash & burn.
This was my most difficult area of growth, but it was also the most valuable. Once I was able to recognize my toxic thoughts & feelings, I was able to identify why I was stagnant in the other areas of personal development. Staring in the mirror at my real self was ugly for awhile, but I’ve come to embrace those ugly parts & turn them into positive traits. That helped all of the important relationships in my life.
- Spiritual: This type of growth involves being more self-aware but also aware of others. It also includes your values. Many people stand firm in their spiritual beliefs & values, but there’s always room for more.
My journey of spiritual growth has been a rollercoaster. I was raised in the church, so I’ve always known God. I just didn’t always understand Him & what He adds to my life. There were times when I even questioned the validity of the Bible. I’ve learned that there’s a difference between going to church & being IN church, a difference between being spiritual & being religious, & that no one can define how your relationship with whatever you believe in is supposed to look.
- Social: This final area touches on all things relationship-wise. Your communication skills, problem-solving skills, & how you build relationships are all personalized. There’s no one way to do things, but there’s a difference between healthy & unhealthy methods & relationships.
Boy did my eyes open when I started growing in this area! I was so dysfunctional in so many ways it was ridiculous! I thought being a ride or die chick was the way to go. I thought it was ok to just agree with people & disregard my feelings just to avoid a disagreement. I thought yelling was normal. Ya girl was all kinds of messed up. Thank God for the various people & resources that taught me different!
Getting myself to the point I’m at now took some serious work! There were days I was disgusted by what I found out about myself. There were a lot of tear-stained pillows & crying in the shower. There was definitely a lot of hurt feelings & anger towards myself & others. But it was most definitely all worth it! You have to push through the mud to see the sunshine.
The Benefits of Taking the Journey
Y’all see the surface of the mess I had to navigate through, but you’re live-streaming where I am now & where I’m going. I have no shame in being transparent when it can help someone else better themselves. I’m taking away so much from my personal growth journey & can’t wait to see what else I discover throughout my life. I also love seeing how my journey can help someone else navigate through the hard parts of theirs.
Some of the most popular benefits of your journey are:
- Increasing self-awareness
- Improving self-esteem
- Increasing your communication, relationship-building, & problem-solving skills
- Fulfilling your goals & aspirations
- Helping you understand & accept who you are
- Aiding you in knowing & accepting why you do the things you do
- Deepening your understanding of your triggers & what your most effective coping skills & self-care practices are
- Developing stronger emotional regulation & greater empathy
- Improving your ability to maintain your boundaries
Those are just the basic bonuses your personal growth journey may bring into your life. Just those basics can take yourself & consequently your relationships to a higher elevation. Once I learned healthier ways of thinking & doing things, it reflected in my relationships. They’re also things I can teach my kids so they can break some of the generational curses I’ve encountered over the last 45 years. I want better for them & their children, so I have to start by showing them a better me.
With me turning a year older yesterday, it makes me grateful for making it this far. Many weren’t able to see 45, so I’m learning to embrace each day as a new beginning & another opportunity to learn something new. Pouring into yourself is so important to growing. Learn a little about yourself & put that positivity back into the universe. Generations to come will thank you!
Resources
https://www.lifehack.org/896213/self-exploration
