Shake Up Your Date Nights
Date nights are something I enjoy! Not only because it’s one-on-one time, but I enjoy being able to laugh & let our hair down. It doesn’t seem to matter what we do because we’re going to act up regardless. After awhile though, date nights can become a little routine, so there’s always room for new ideas to spice things up. After all, there’s more to life than dinner & a movie!
Date nights are a part of your self-care; not only for yourself but also for your partner. They play a big role in developing intimacy between the two of you. There’s nothing like having a truly intimate relationship, especially because it’s much deeper than the physical aspect of intimacy! If you can tap into someone emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, & socially, that relationship will be on fire!!!
Self-Care on a Date Night
To incorporate self-care into your date nights, you have to handle some homework first. You can’t just go into this thing blindly, & you have to remember it’s not just about you. Check these out:
Step 1: Get to know what relaxes your partner
Everyone is different (duh!), so you can’t assume that because something relaxes you it also relaxes everyone else. I’m more of a chill-mode relaxer. I like to read, watch tv on the couch with a fluffy blanket, & travel for relaxation. Although husbae is down for traveling & chilling on the couch, he ain’t thinking about books lol. He’s athletic too, so his relaxation has been in the gym numerous times…a place that I fuss the whole time in. Can you sense the disgust in my writing???
We touched on communication last week & how to advocate for your needs, but some of you may have missed it. It’s not always easy to express things to others, especially when they might hurt their feelings. Why not make it a part of date night or a way to prep for it? Check these resources out on some questions you can ask to increase what you know about your significant other & up the intimacy:
https://hellorelish.com/articles/romantic-questions-to-ask-your-partner.html
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/list-100-questions-ask-your-partner-date-nights.html
https://happiful.com/50-more-questions-to-build-emotional-intimacy/
You can schedule a date night using these questions as a game. You can use them to writing little love notes to each other. Or they can just be conversation starters every now & then. The potential to learn more about your partner is endless.
Step 2: Be proactive
You can’t wait until you’re both maxed out to add some self-care into your date nights. How much fun would they be when you’re stressed out? I don’t even want to be around myself when I’m stressed, so I know no one else would want to! And the point of date nights is to escape the reality of regular life & tap into your connection. Stress will only have you disconnected from being in the moment & not feeling like doing much.
Schedule your date nights, even if it means sending a meeting planner. Some people are so busy with life that they have to block off time to pencil in the more meaningful things. I run so much during the week that it can be hard for me to spontaneously plan a date night. Putting it on your calendar helps you to be more committed to the appointment, similar to how you’d react to a work meeting being scheduled. This appointment will just be more fun & relaxing!
I told husbae I’m going to send him meeting planners so he can block off time for me. His new promotion has him pretty busy, & he has to travel here & there. Between my full-time job, Intentional, & the kids’ schedules, there’s not much free time on my calendar either. Our meeting planners will allow us to disconnect to reconnect.
Step 3: Gather your ideas & implement them
Make date nights more about living in the moment & connecting. Movies are just as much of a distraction as being on your phone during date nights. Find some activities that cause you to be more engaged & present. You can’t improve intimacy if you’re not present physically & mentally.
Some of the funnest dates I’ve had were interactive. The last one we had, we tried a new restaurant but we also spontaneously went to a place with mini golf & a batting cage. It gave us a chance to be active & talk a lil trash whenever one was kicking the other’s tail. (Let the record show I got crushed in mini golf but took the crown in the batting cage). It was fun to do something different & laugh a lot at ourselves. We didn’t think about stress the whole evening.
One interesting activity I came across was tantric meditation. Not only was it sensual, but it looked super calming. It’s a means of connecting with each other through touch & breathing in unison. There were so many different types that I saw, but they all focused on the connection between the couple. Here are a few tips I found to try the technique:
- A quiet place is a must. No music, no phones, no TVs, no people to interrupt; just the two of you.
- Slip into something comfortable. Put on something that you won’t be distracted by because it’s too tight or you’ll be too hot/cold. Make sure your partner does the same.
- Face each other & sit Indian-style (if you can). The point is to have a straight back during the session so you can breathe deeply & freely.
- Hold hands. It doesn’t matter if they’re palm to plan, fingers interlocked, loosely or tightly wound. Just make sure both pairs of your hands are touching.
- Look deeply into each others’ eyes. You’re trying to form a connection that’s deeper than surface, so look into your partner’s eyes like you’re looking into their soul.
- Breathe. Try to sync your breathing so you can concentrate on the rhythm of the inhales & exhales. Focus on the breathing.
- Start with a short session. It can be hard to focus for long periods of time, especially if you’re new to meditation. Give yourselves 5 minutes to start off, & work your way up.
Guided meditations tend to help me focus better. Hearing a calming voice tell you want to do & how eases the unknown. Here’s a guided tantric meditation & more info on the practice:
https://thegreenleafmag.com/tantric-meditation-for-couples/
Another idea I came across that was pretty interesting was a couple’s self-care kit. Once you ask your partner the important questions about relaxation, you can develop a self-care kit to use that balances the both of you. It can include things like tantric meditation, journaling, or getting a couple’s massage. Anything the relaxes you can go into this kit, & it might be a few cheap dates to try!
I want to start a couple’s self-care kit. It’ll take the monotony out of my routine. It’s nice to spice things up every now & then. It keeps things interesting.
The Flip Side
Even though we love date nights, it’s just as important to have some me time thrown in. A healthy relationship requires a healthy balance of togetherness & separateness. I love my boo’d up time, but I also value my alone time. You can’t allow anyone to monopolize your time. Being with someone 24/7 will only stress you in the long run.
Just like you need to out date nights with your other half on your calendar, put date nights with yourself on it. All of the relaxing things you told your partner can be scheduled during that time too. You’ll return to them refreshed & ready for whatever comes your way.
Relationships are wonderful! They allow you to pour into another individual & receive something in return. We were put on the Earth to love one another, so do what you can to show those you love that you love them! Check out more resources on intimacy & self-care below, & don’t forget to put a date night on the books soon!
