Kiss the Generational Curse Goodbye

With the holidays approaching fast, families around the world will be gathering to celebrate & fellowship. Good food, flowing drinks, & good memories will be in abundance…until family drama enters the room. We all have at least one person who comes with the mess, but the fun snatcher doesn’t have to win anymore. We can kiss that curse goodbye!

     Generational curses are real! Whether it’s single parent homes, abusive relationships, addiction, mental illness, or just toxic behavior, we all have a little something sprinkled within our families. Growing up in these environments can take a toll on your mental & emotional health. It also impacts how you view & show up in your relationships. That’s not the end of the road though. You can change the path for generations to come, but you have to put in the work. 

     When you’re younger, you don’t necessarily equate toxic behavior with being abnormal. It’s just your “normal” life. As we mature & experience things outside of our little bubbles, we see that some things aren’t so normal. I definitely side-eye some of the behavior I see now that I thought was normal when I was younger. Like the family member that has to be pissy drunk at every function, or the one who gives out backhanded compliments to ruffle feathers, or the person who causes an argument every time they visit. Sound familiar? 

     Who wants to live a life full of drama? Better yet, who wants their children & grandchildren to live that same life? Definitely not I! So how do we change things up? Answer: switch the game plan to a more positive environment!

1. Set boundaries

Recognize your limits & form your boundaries based on them. There is nothing wrong with advocating for yourself & your wellbeing! No one else can do it better than you can. But you can’t just stop at setting boundaries; you have to enforce them too! 

I know my limits, & when things get hot, it’s time for me to go. I’m too intolerant of mess now, so there’s only so long that I’ll sit around when chaos arrives. I’ll either get rubbed the wrong way & leave, or cuss you out & leave (I’m a work in progress; pray for me). Either way, I’m out!

Many cultures don’t take well to seeking therapy & “having someone in your business,” but therapy works wonders if you really invest in it. Having a neutral party present to help you sift through issues individually & as a family can push you to communicate in a more healthy manner. You can learn so much about yourself in therapy, & self-reflection helps you grow.

I haven’t done family therapy, but I’m definitely open to it if it’s ever needed. Individual therapy gave me a safe space to release any thoughts & feelings, process them, & figure out a solution to handling the issue going forward. It took some weight off of my shoulders & allowed me to see the part I played in the matters. It also was completely unbiased so I got what I needed to hear instead of what I wanted to hear.

2. Take accountability

Nobody is perfect, so we all should take a look in the mirror on a regular basis & see things for what they are. Regardless of the situation, you played some part in what occurred. Being able to admit the part you played helps to move forward.

Standing by silently is a part I played in the past with family members, but maturity has changed that. If you truly love a person, you pull them to the carpet when they need to be. I don’t want anyone around me who can’t call me on my mess when I’m wrong, & I expect to be able to do the same for those people. 

3. Protect your peace

I live by 2 mottos: “Protect your peace at all costs” & “Friend, family, or foe, anyone can go.” Some people think the second one is harsh, but I’m a firm believer in not keeping anyone around that doesn’t add value to my life. There are only so many passes you can give a person before you snap. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to navigate through drama constantly, so don’t be afraid to dispose of those who muddy the waters.

     Being family doesn’t give you a pass to treat people any kind of way. No spot is guaranteed to be occupied forever. For this very reason, the people I call family have earned their spots through loyalty, support, & love…the same things I’m giving to them. Half of those folks aren’t even related to me by blood or marriage; they’ve just brought positive vibes to my life, & I appreciate it more than they know. 

     This holiday season & beyond, commit to changing your family’s destiny. Call out the toxicity wherever you see it, & don’t feel guilty for protecting your peace…even if that means skipping the family gatherings this year. Start some new traditions by doing more positive things together (check out the family self-care challenge link below). Create the safe space & serene moment you need. You have to start somewhere. Trust me, your changes won’t go unnoticed! Someone will take note & move in the same direction. You just have to be the catalyst!

Resources to Check Out 

https://parents-together.org/30-day-family-self-care-challenge/

https://www.hioscar.com/blog/10-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-holiday-family-drama