Keeping It Together While Everyone’s Together Intentional

Now that we’re in the swing of the holiday season, most people assume it’s the happiest time of the year. Not everyone is in the best frame of mind right now though. Some have lost loved ones, are experiencing life hardships, or are battling physical & behavioral health issues, so we have to make sure we’re looking out for one another. Isn’t that what this season is supposed to be about?

I used to love the holidays when I was less mature…for all the wrong reasons. It was full of the “I can’t wait to get…” thoughts. Now, the only things I look forward to in the final quarter of each year are seeing loved ones, eating ridiculous amounts of food, & seeing smiles on my people’s faces because of what I’m bringing into their lives. I could care less about getting a gift. The last couple of years I’ve actually found myself with stuff still in the boxes & bags they came in because it’s simply STUFF. I take more pride in making sure the people I care about the most are getting what they need from me.

I thank God that, for the most part, my family is drama-free. I don’t have to worry about something popping off because we’ve learned to keep the gatherings to the original 6 plus our families & close friends. There’s not a parade of folks coming in & out to see what they can get & leaving a trail of mess behind. No drunk aunties insulting everyone, no wannabe-young uncles trying to fight the world, no nosy neighbors spreading neighborhood gossip, just us laughing, eating, drinking, & creating good memories.

Unfortunately, life’s circumstances prevent everyone from having that experience. Some have family members suffering from addictions, have family conflicts that leave them fractured, are battling their own demons, or simply don’t have family. These days, there is so much focus on family & togetherness that we often forget those without. Or, we put pressure on those who don’t feel up to getting together, not understanding their reasons.

We have to be a little more conscious of what others are going through, & it starts with taking a look at ourselves. We’re often just as stressed & depressed as others around us, but we don’t recognize it. First things first: take care of yourself. How? Try the following:

Acknowledge your feelings: You have to know what you’re dealing with in order to deal with it. We’re all human & have feelings. Keeping them bottled up is a recipe for disaster, so feel that feeling but don’t get stuck in it. Trouble don’t last always! Focus more on the positives than the negatives in your life.
Contact your people: Even when you think there’s no one who will listen or care, there is someone somewhere. Whether it’s a family member, friend, coworker, spiritual leader, or professional counselor, there is someone who can help with the support you need. You just have to ask.
Be realistic: Gift giving & having big dinners can be exciting, but if you don’t have it, don’t stress. You don’t have to cook a 20 lb turkey or buy 10 gifts for each person to feel fulfilled. You can only do what you can do, so give what you can within reason. Real people appreciate the effort.
Put the drama on the back burner: Holding grudges puts a hold on you, not the other person. Tomorrow isn’t promised for anyone, so why spend your days feeling negatively about someone else? Forgiveness is for you to be released; it’s not about the other party. Forgive, but you don’t have to forget. Be cordial & keep it moving!
Budget, budget, budget: Again, you can only do what you can do. If throwing a holiday party or grabbing that gift is going to have you stressed next month about how to pay your bills, rethink your decision to spend. Examine what you can afford, & stick to it. No need in having a holiday spread today when you’ll have to eat Ramen noodles for the next week!
Scheduling is key: Only you know how much you have to do & how much mental & physical energy you have to spare. Get your plans on your calendar & only attend things that you feel up to attending & buy things you can afford. Don’t spread yourself thin for the moment.
Learn to say no: The power of the word “no” is serious! Why burn yourself out for a few days? Where will it leave you? Depleted & exhausted! If it doesn’t fit into your life without causing stress, politely decline.
Keep your healthy habits: We can go overboard on the junk food during the holidays (I know I do), but we don’t have to. Stay hydrated, get some movement in, & throw some vegetables into your meals to stay balanced.
Prioritize some self-care: Schedule time to relax. Planning isn’t just for work, family, social, & health appointments. You can plan self-care too. Pour into yourself. No harm in giving back to the one who’s doing the giving!
Seek professional help if you need it: There are so many resources that can help when you’re struggling mentally. Whether it’s calling the Suicide Hotline, Mobile Crisis, going to the hospital, or scheduling an appointment with a therapist, you have to use the tools provided when the going gets tough. You don’t have to do life alone!
Take a break from social media: Social media is a photoshopped version of real life. It’s a highlight reel, so don’t compare what you see there to what you have going on. Most of us battle the same things, but we don’t all post about them. All that glitters isn’t gold. If your feed is bringing up negative feelings, disable the apps.

Now that we’ve gotten you straight, what about everyone else? Try some of these:

Volunteer & donate to charities or families in need: Life should be about serving others, regardless of in what manner you serve. Take time out to help someone else feel good. You can’t help but feel better knowing you’re being a blessing to someone else.
Be present with those around you: We spend far too much time on our smartphones. Sometimes I cringe when I get that weekly report on Sundays about how much I’ve used mine. Put your phone down when you’re spending time with others. You may miss something important!
Show love everywhere you go: People don’t forget how you make them feel. Bring sunshine with you everywhere you go. And if you’re not feeling up to being a light, forfeit your plans.

Life is about loving one another, not the material mess & status many of us seek. Spend time the last couple of weeks of this year letting others know you care about their wellbeing. But while you’re doing that, put a little time into yourself. Here’s a little motivation to keep your mental together:

https://nami.org/Blogs/From-the-CEO/December-2021/The-Most-Difficult-Time-of-The-Year-Mental-Health-During-the-Holidays

https://www.forbes.com/sites/nomanazish/2020/12/14/10-little-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-this-holiday-season/?sh=2525829d16c7